Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize