bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
