Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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