I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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