Got a toothbrush?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
