she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
