please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
