I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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