I'm lost and stupid without you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
