I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
