uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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