Screwed.edu
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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