Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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