Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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