The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
