apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Less talking, more tequila
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
