trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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