I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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