well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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