Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
