I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
