shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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