I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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