I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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