You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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