he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
