Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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