I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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