If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
