Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize