I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
