hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
