they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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