Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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