Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
