I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
