i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
