Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
