I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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