period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
