Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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