Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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