Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She even gives head with a lisp.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
