Cold hands, warm shart.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
