When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
