My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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