Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
