Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
