Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
