There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
