I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
