So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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