Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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