I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were destined to go to rehab together
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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