dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
