I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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