I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize