yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
