There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
