oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
