she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
