I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
