At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
