I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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