some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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