Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
