im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
