great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
