I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
