Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize