Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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