The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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