I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
