Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize