discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
