please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
someone owes me an orgasm
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
