she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize