i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
