i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
