She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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