Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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