i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
