Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
