Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
