Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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