why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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