I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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