...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
