Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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