I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
