idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
