at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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