Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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