he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
