i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sarcasm needs its own font
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
