my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
