Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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