I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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