By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
