it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
